Sick of it....

It's been 2 years and 7 months that i am in this small hospital...

Though there are a lot of things to do although it's just a small hospital, but the things that i had learnt and are learning are just so routine and repeated and paperworks. And to meet targets of producing minutes of meetings and attend meetings.. When only can i get myself out from here and go back to a bigger hospital? i should say a big hospital...

Why are those bosses not doing their jobs fairly? Even though being 'taught' by our new DG, but still not productively distributing posts and jobs? Can i get myself to HQE II?

I still don't have a good skills in deciding and making good decisions. Although a lot of mistakes had been done throughout the years, i might had learn a lot but right after i have taught what i should do, i go back to the same old me. The lack of bosses or someone superior to me make me feel like lacking and lacking of skills ... I am starting to withhold and giving away all my jobs to my new colleagues and i guess he might be here for a very long time.. But not she.. As she is already making noises to get back to west.. Why can't the bosses just do pinjaman posts and just pinjam me back to big hospitals?

Transfer me to Likas.. to Queen 2 .. but not to Queen 1 now as i am quite afraid of the bosses there.. Not Klinik Kesihatan for me please. And not enforcement either.

Had been shot dead on last monday due to bad performance of everything in this hospital. I am getting sick of the people here who only know how to make a lot of noises but without improvements. Everyday long waiting time which still don't seek for any improvements. Changes and trials made are for the good, not to make it worse. If it's not good, we should search for alternatives. Rather than just remain the same, with no better improvements. Shot shot shot dead till i felt so embarrass for making any comments as i think really, we did not do well. And we did badly. But i learned a lot through the shooting sessions... and i knew how bad we were. And too bad no one else was there to learn... And i am alone learning, but i can't convey the bombing lessons to everyone effectively. Running out of stocks is the number 1 thing we have. We are sorry to all the patients who can't get their stocks.. and it's all abt the management of stocks...

I am sick of this place... do transfer me fast.. there is another one and a half month for me to see if God is doing His job!

Communication

Only found out that communication is really a big knowledge in life.

Without communication, u will lack of understanding between each others.

Without communication, u won't know what's happening within the others.

Without communication, distance will be further and further away.

Without communication, life is hard to proceed.

And there you go,

communications can be within family members, boy friend/girl friend, best friends, good friends, colleagues, boss/staff, employer/employee...

So... we must communicates within one another...

Please call me my dear friends... haha :)

Angry 2

So angry...

Yesterday already so angry, and today another one come n make me angry.

Whatever... don't wanna talk about it...

Feeling of getting further n further away to my aim of life... hopefully it's not a bad sign...

nothing else to write...

just for fun...

eating chocolates... fattening... but don't care... i won't scared of becoming lou gu po.. nvm if no one wants me if i become fat...

Angry angry angry

Hmpf... today i am so damn ANGRY.. please la ...

This stupid xxx actually made a stupid statement on our standard of procedure. She was auditting us on not recording whoever patients who are hypertensive patients, diabetic patients, who are on regular follow up, and their individual medications though all are standard items. Any statements on my reply on this matter to her, is a two words from her- DON'T CARE. In the end, i ended my conversation with her with one word -- WHATEVER. and there, i just left without even want to say anything.

Who are you to comment on OUR SOP? please la.. do u think that's so important?

I really dunno who the HELL started on querying this thing. And this will never happen in my hospital when i will be there, or will never happen forever la. Please la. You are querying our monitoring on standard drugs.. not even Specialist items please. Is it so important to put a record? And do you think it's a SOP in other hospital? And do u think it's logic to have such a recording? And what's the purpose?

You claimed that when we --> hospital supplied a month of medications to patient, and we only write it on the prescription, and we never trace if we have enough medications for further supply or our patient will be back by that time... do u think that's our job to trace if pt will be back? Even they go for outpatient review, i don't think OPD actually call them up if they are not seeing the dr on the day as appointed.

1. If u have all the individual records on medications, what will you do with it?

-> monitor each record and see what the patient is on and make sure the drugs will never out of order?

-> please la, proper monitoring is from drug usage... substore medication usage and store medication usage. It's not necessary to have all these individual recordings. What for? Do you think that we don't have anymore work to do? just do recording for no purpose? DAMN.. so angry...

2. So after recording, you only count your stock?

-> please la.. you thought our stock can only last for that 2 months? or that single month? our buffer stock is 2 months, and in our store there should always be medications. The 2 months is in substor, and ready packed medications plus substore medications will be more than 2 months for sure. So in the next 2 months for follow up Rx, there should not have any problems in providing standard items if there isn't any stock problems from manufacturer!!!!

3. After recording, you monitor one by one?

-> you think we so free ar? stupid stupid stupid!!! patient's drugs' doses changes and medications changed if needed. So we monitor all these? so better we do outpatient department and keep all records la, rather than we are just a pharmacy as a supporting service.

HAIZ.. CANNOT STOP SAYING STUPID ... PLEASE THINK BEFORE MAKING ANY STATEMENTS OF SUCH...

i always lost in defending, So i really don't like to help ppl to protest or defend. I always lost.

So please don't let me to become a BIG FISH in a small hospital.. i would rather be a SMALL FISH in a big hospital....

TRANSFER ME PLEASE....

Thoughts

First of all, why am i not being told of something? sien.. everyone knows but i am still the not being told one... why are people in this world so unfair? i don't even want to think about it....

Ok.. Thinking about relationship ... haiz.. really 一言难尽 .. don wanna say dy.. boring..

bored bored bored life... how can life be like that.. so boring la.. a person in this world, living with internet and drama, is this all about it? n working? so what.. haiz... no life without work yea? sien...

New store

I have been working here in hospital papar for 2 years plus 24 days...

I am still here. Not able to transfer out to other hospitals..

This is not my plan...

Anyway, i learnt a lot in these 2 years.. Not about pharmacy, which i am getting worse at it, but about construction, management, and things like that.

Is that good or bad? Er, can be meant that i don't even need a bachelor in construction or what, but i get to learn the details about it. The failure and wrongs that i done will not be repeated once i am going to handle big projects on constructions again.. Hehe.. As if i m so gonna go into construction field..

Ok.. These 2 years, the store i am in charge of, get flooded, and repeatedly i wrote letters to the boss and complain about the importance of having good store. And repeatedly, it was being told that the warrant has been approved and we will get a new store soon. And later on repeatedly being told that the warrant has been held back for other purposes. And in the end, we got the money!! hehe.. and there my construction plans are all in use. I planned for how the roof should be constructed, i planned for the door to be relocated, i planned for proper drainage covers, i planned for proper rooms and i planned for proper new racks. I also planned for good air-conditioning, good wiring, and nice windows, grills, curtains. But the down part is i never stated what type of tiles i need for my store. And there, they gave me the lousiest tile ever, the cheapest ever! Ok, never mind, maybe in just to a maximum of another year time, i won't be here anymore. So i won't get to see the tiles changing colours, or getting "brighter".. hahaha...

Ok. What else did i do in this hospital? Ok. I started MTAC DM, which is so passively being done. And i am always saying that i should just get a help from a Dr but i never do that.. Passively.. As i don't really know what should i do with my patients. I don't even easily get them to come back to see me every month. They are all so reluctantly to be back....

What else what else? Don't think there's a lot. The most proudly done thing is my store renovation! Give a big clap to me. A lot of things happened during the works, with the construction taukeh and the supervisor. But thankfully, the contractor is a good one, which is so easily demanded.. And he did the things well, though maybe the workmanship isn't that up to standard. But at least the things he used are considered quality ones according to himself! Thank god!

Still, wishing to get back to kk.. at least i can go for aerobic classes? if i am so hardworking, or at least i can get my iphone working with 3G... because i can't even connect to 3G in papar!!! aiks aiks aiks... Faster get me back no matter which department i will be going, as i might need to do clinical, which i myself aren't so sure if i can handle clinical well or not...

Anyway, pray for the good things, and best wishes to myself!! Oh yea, someone is getting married next year during my birthday!! haha. and i will be the ji mui definitely. congrates mate!!

So sad so sad..

What a day for me!
I am home alone...
And i start to feel so lonely...
I just wanna cry out loud to release all the tensions...
I am always home alone anyway... Mother went over to bro's hse but i don't wanna join..
I am so anti-social to go n meet anymore new friends.. i don't need them...
This is the first time of being home alone that i am so so so so sad of...
Home alone is always a norm in my life actually... Life is ok without anyone...

A message from last week during the church session:
Pastor asked: Who thinks that he/she doesnt have someone that knows him/her well?

The first thought for me is definitely a --> I don't have one!
But, 2nd thought is --> i have one.

So which is the real thought?

There's something imprinted in my mind! i m so sad for that..

Again, still sad for a lot of things..

I think i m in the down part of my life again... everything seems so unwell, and not smooth..

Why whatever i want to get doesn't come into my hand? Why there's always no chance for me?

what can i do now? i hate everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aiks.......

Transfer?

Waiting for my transfer but it's still in the waiting list.

Now i know how do the people waiting for their turns to get transfer feels like.

Why can't i get mine but they are just retaining those fresh frp in big hospital.

Why can't they just send those people to districts while let us all back to big hospital?

Working in small hospital is a bit too boring dy. The people there also limited, gossips are limited,

stories are limited, drugs are limited, learning are limited, talks are limited, what also limited.

So how can they be so not fair!

issshhhh...

They should be fair to everyone!! aiks...

Why do people in other states get transfer so easily? but not us in sabah??!!

Aaiiikkkssss....