normal life

Life is back to the normal again.
Friends around are getting lesser n lesser.
Those who came back during cny r all left dy.
None of them r beside me.
The only one left is still she.

Colleagues back in QE r all scattered here and there.
Once one got bf, she stop hanging out wif us so often dy.
1st relationship is still always so into it.
The others are so busy as well.
Dunno wat everyone r busy with.
and i think i m free.
But actually i still got things to settle.
I need to study
I need to prepare for my KMK
I need to learn more.
N the store thing in hospital papar r confusing me.
We are doing extra job for nothing.
The warrant wasn't under our control
n why r we doing some extra headache job?
that's isnt a good thing to do ..
n i m the one who needs to do
i wanna do pharmacist job
i wanna do pharmacist job
i cannot waste my time already
shud i go search for locum?
sien.. life is so meaningless ....

mom went to italy
didi is going to study soon
bro is getting married n moving out soon
left my parents
i m working in papar
mon to thurs staying there
fri till sun staying bk home
at home oso got nth to do
the house wil b v quiet soon
shopping oso sien
watch movie oso sien
but meeting up wif frens is not sien
so that's my purpose of life now
n need to fill the borang hasil
but how to fill up?
i wan a knight prince
but he is forever hiding behind
mayb i m too choosy?
or not..??
i m not...
i wan him...
i wan get him...
huh. seems i m so desperate?
don get me wrong..
i m not..
i m thinking... thinking deeply
i need to spend my money wisely...
i need to do more charity...
shud i join tzu chi or join church activity?
church got lots of frens one wo.
tzu chi r those uncles n aunties...
n mayb got youngsters oso la..
thinking deeply
thinking deeply
tml is monday. it's working time.
yea. i think working time is much more fun.
mayb there is someone tat i can chat wif..
someone that i can c...
someone that i can 3 8 wif ...
n someone that she can share wif me ...
i m nt good in sharing..
this is always the problem..
i m just too nice... always follow ppl
this is called no own opinions.
not good either...
i need to change..
i need to change..
i still need to change..

the next moment i m hoping for is the induksi
though it might not b a good one..
but mayb i can just get to know some ppl??....
n later on, mayb a trip to singapore??
who wanna meet me there??
but havent confirm yet...
n later on wil b the gang coming over to kk...
n later on a trip to kl...
i wan go hkong..
he n she is there ...
i can go find them yumcha
can i jus plan n go?
who wanna b my kaki??
i need kaki???
he said he wants to go.. another he ask me join him.. another he said can ask him to join
but the hesss ... he says onli, the 2nd he i don realli know him, the 3rd he says only oso
n how about she?
she say yes... but time?? dunno when.. another she say wants oso.. but say mayb next yr...
everyone is full of travelling plan...
i wan go vietnam or myanmar? or thailand... can i?
who wants to go?
haihz..
mayb i m jus too lazy to find for plans.

life is just so unpredictable..
i hate this kind of life....
can i predict my future starting now?
can i plan for it???
how how how??

ok. let's c wat i have got here.
what do u think this michelin man is??? haha. he is cute!!!

觉得自己很失败
觉得自己很幼稚
觉得自己很容易被欺负
觉得自己很容易被欺骗
觉得自己很像小孩子
觉得自己一点都不成熟
觉得自己很容易相信别人
觉得自己不应再回头看
觉得自己应往前看
觉得自己应该努力向前
觉得自己应该改变自己
觉得自己应该交友旷阔
觉得自己应该去旅游散心
觉得自己不该再想那么多了
音乐真的是一件很好的工具
觉得梁静茹的歌太好听了
需要勇气来面对一切

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语

可是歌词的意境不代表我的意境啦。。


一直被护士和朋友说我像初二生。。是好事，是坏事？

Very sad...
Sad to the max.
Got nothing to say.
I just need to wake up.
Stop being sad of useless thing.
Be myself. make use of my time.
Stop thinking non sense.
Wake up Wake up..

Happy new year everyone.. happy 2009...

How did i spent my new year eve?

Yea. I went to kuala penyu with my frens. Departed at ard 4.30 on 31st Dec from papar, then going to beaufort (ard an hour away) to fetch my fren, wei wei. And later continue our journey to kp, which is around 45 mins from beaufort.. arrived at kp ard 6 sth. Huh, sure ppl think we r v weird, we go all the way to the ulu place for countdown but not celebrating in kk, in the city. Everyone went kk but not us~ Actually this is also a different type of experience .. 3 other frens (joshua, foon & ngu) join us in kp, starting journey at ard 5.30 from kk.. and only reach kp after 3 1/2 hrs journey.. The reason of departing late is to wait for the mr joshua to finish work at 5pm where others took time off to get back home so tat can arrive in kp earlier.. cos the road to kp is realli damn DARK... no light at all. but luckily i arrived there early .. Bbq there at ChitYee's house (my prp fren who kena posted in kp) and chit chatting.. time passes super fast... and we did pay a visit to hospital kp due to Dr Tan having on call... so we followed him to the hospital~ The hospital is v nice. Got astro there in casualty.. some more got STAR movie.. "my house oso don hv"... wow. n the hospital is so spacious and nice since it's a new hospital. But there r really a lot of SHITS ... the birds' shits everywhere... but the whole hospital is really very quiet at nite ... later back home to continue bbq and v fast it's 10.40pm ... n we all r rushing to shower. limiting everyone for a maximum of 10 mins .... hahaha. so tat we r on time for countdown. Play cards while waiting for 12am.. and u can't realli believe that ppl in kp realli celebrate countdown. there r fireworks there. can onli hear the sound.. n got the liondance sound oso. but dunno where is it from~~ ~~ slept quite early after countdown as we r all the old man, old woman, used to sleep early n wake up early for work~ !!! haha.

Oh. Actually why we chose to be there in kp? actually there is a wedding party the next day, that is 1st Jan 2009, of a colleague back in QEH. Florina is a kadazan but her wedding is somekind of mixture of every races. No sumazau dance which i was hoping for. And there is like some "shen tai".. --> chinese style.. n got YUM SENG --> chinese style... weird one is suap-menyuap cake ... the bride's wedding dress is a bit lose for her~ n her husband is really quite good looking. a bit like chinese but more like sino kadazan ... wow. wish them happy ever after~ A lot of the frps travelled all the way from kk to kp to attend their wedding party in the kampung house... a lot a lot of ppl r there. cos small kampung, one ppl marry, then everyone in the kampung r like invited~ hehe.

Love this song lately though is not a new song..
陶喆的《爱很简单》

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你
有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你
真的很简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我
喔......
i love you
无法不爱你baby
说你也爱我
永远不愿意baby
失去你
不可能更快乐
只要能在一起
做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停
用最真诚的心
让爱变得简单
我一直在这里baby
一直在爱你
永远都不放弃
这爱你的权利
如果你还有一些困惑
请贴着我的心倾听
听我说着爱你
yes i do

Suddenly syt said she read bk my previous x'mas post abt our trip to budapest... n so i just go n find n read back. Really remind me a lot of things.. recall a lot of memories. And after read that post, i start to read bk all my previous posts.. n i feel that a lot of posts shouldnt b publicized here one. lol. that's why this should b a private diary for me. and not a diary for syt la.... lol.... funny syt made me laughing giler only...

Wat m i up to now? erm, still the normal me. working n sleeping n watching series. nth much happening nowadays... oh ya, new Dr came in hosp papar since 16th Dec.. n when he is here, another Dr starts on leave. so.. still left 3 Drs and pity pengarah still hv to go n review patients. That day was asking pengarah if both of us (the pharmacists) can on leave during cny together. n he said, ok ar if everything is fine. But then after that he is like quite scared oso. do he ? but nvm la. both of us wont be taking leave together ... cos my colleague said she got nothing to do if take leave during cny week. So she choose to take leaves b4 cny, n i will b taking on the cny week. n pengarah some more said: our hospital can close down liao la. dr goh on leave, dr teoh on leave, i on leave... left 2 Drs onli... i was there laughing... wat a lol....

So regret of wasting my whole night at a stupid dinner! tot what the dinner is all abt, chinese pengarah is the AJK for some local artists award thingy n was invited to attend the dinner. And u know, is so noisy there.... the audio system is so lousy. i hate myself now for accepting the offer to attend the dinner. anyway, dinner half way n i left because i m so boring... Dr Aini was sitting beside me, but i got no topic to chat wif her. the whole table of hospital staffs, so interested on this thing but i got no idea n don't really know how to appreciate or enjoy the event... wanna leave n they say it's still early or even it's going to finish soon. but it's jus half way thru the award giving... cannot stand dy. after i left, i was so so so relieved. never felt so relieved b4... ok. promise not to accept any kind of invitation for any weird dinner anymore~

The feeling is all abt again....... haih.

Today went for ballroom dancing competition... go n watch n not participating.. wow, i just love the ballroom dance. if got chance, might get myself into this. But when i c those young ppl dancing, i can feel myself being old to start learning.... cha cha.. quick steps, bla bla bla... ballroom dance is still better than those malays/locals award giving events....... haih....

my blog's name: janice's dreamy mind.. i really thinks that i dream a lot.. STOP dreaming n get into sleep... dreaming awakenly jus kills me the next day. My eyes are so bengkak now n i m so sleepy now. Slept ard 12 or 2 ? nt so sure what time did i really get into sleep... n wake up ard 4 sth! huh.. i m so tired now~ hopefully no more thinking much today~ get into sleep~

Scary things happened sometimes~

I m not so sure what my feeling is all about now ...

Yesterday my fren told me her fren is getting married next week n she is going to b the zi mui.... i m so happy to hear tat.. n i m waiting for my turn to become zi mui... become zi mui 1st, not to say abt getting married~ i don think i wil ever get married so soon~ luckily my fren's fren is the same age as my elder bro one... nt my age one. so i m still ok wif it~ n my bro is oso going to get married soon. Oh. everyone oso getting married n i might somehow feel some pressure towards me~ pressure by myself ~ no one ever gif me any pressure on getting a bf or wat... but i can feel that i m giving myself pressure~ cos i m nt young anymore~

oo. talking abt zi mui, i m waiting for being zi mui next year june... so happy... my fren is getting married~ wat wil be it like for being a zi mui?? haha. so curious to know. n hv to wear nice nice lo... keep fit 1st~ lazy ass still sitting in the office typing blog... now is lunch break but i m here in the office ... din go out to hunt for food... cos nth to eat outside~ sien on the food sold outside~ so eating bread~ it's just once in a while~

i wan go travel~ this is wat i m always saying abt ~ but i never plan for any trips.... who wants to go wif me oh? aiyoyo.. but when is my induksi ler? actually i should be in the induksi which has just finished, but pengarah don let me go~ sob sob... the so called they hatred one Dr is there ba~ aiyo. missed the show~ the ngu families~ lol....

STOP dreaming... wake up wake up~

oh yea. yest went medical camp~ love it~ cos it was so relaxing n somehow get to know who r the Drs... haha. cos normally i always mixed up this is that, that is this~ lol.. they r specialist but i dunno them.. so sorry to those specialist ~ haha.. but my hosp now got no specialist oso~ hehe...

ok. stop here.. i m waiting for next yr august to come~ wei, u all, don ffk~~

Reported duty in Hospital Papar for 1/2 a month dy. Hospital Papar, a district hospital which is about 1 hour away from my house, is considered the nearest district hospital to Kota Kinabalu. Consider lucky to get this hospital as everyone of my batch who r throw away .. are really being thrown far away. Got another one got hospital kota belud, which is around 1 hour away from KK as well. The locals are all being thrown out.. none of the locals being retained in anywhere in KK, not in hosp QE, not in hosp Likas, not in hosp Bukit Padang, not in PBFN, and not in enforcement as well. For ur information, these 5 sites are all located in Kota Kinabalu... so.. none of the locals being retained in KK. Keningau got 2 (2 hrs ++ away), Tenom got 2 (3hrs ++ away), Kota Marudu got 1 (2 hrs away), Beaufort got 1 (2 hrs away), Kuala Penyu got 1 (2 hrs away), Papar got 1, Kota Belud got 1. . . . Those orang tawau also all kena buang out of tawau....

A store pharmacist which i will only need to sign this sign that.. and nothing else to do. Actually i was being asked to go for induksi this coming november, but who know my boss doesnt let me go. He said cannot both pharmacist also go for induksi at the same time, n who will in charge of the pharmacy? .. so no choice n i cannot attend this coming induksi with my fellow friends.

Ok. Attended meeting once with all the ketua units and pengarah and the meeting was kinda relaxing as everyone is like discussing and making fun of it, n not the so serious meeting. Kinda like this type of situation but hopefully i m not gonna attend so many meetings in the future... being a big fish in a small hospital, u can really learn a lot, but more on management rather than on pharmaceutical care. . .

Guess that's all to share with. Update again sometimes later~ life is boring ~ ~ ~