Lots of things happened in this year.
So many sad news being heard.
During induksi, a fren's bro past away
n now, a PA who i was quite close to in my previous hosp past away due to TB
why why? why so many life has been grabbed?
Life is short..
Really...
Do enjoy life..
Hope everyone is happy wif life.
Do as much as u wish
As much as u can..
watever u wish to..
before it is too late...
God bless everyone...

M currently in induksi.. n it's nice to stay in hotel though my house is just 10 minutes away. 4 Star hotel, with breakfast, tea break, lunch, tea break, dinner, supper... 6 meals a day is killing me. But i hate the food so much now. So boring with the food. Get to know some people, which is good. But need to study, which i hate it so much. And there r a lot to study, don't really know which one to study, to memorise for essay questions. So a lot....

Currently, mood is wavy... happy depress happy depress.. it's just like the "wavy line" characteristic i chose during btn Latihan Dalam Kumpulan. I hate my life.. I don't want it to be like that. Sometimes i will think, what if 1 day i commit suicide, wat will b the story then? but i shouldn't do such thing, commit suicide for wat????? non-sense, rite? so.. i should always have positive thinking... no more negative thinking. Life wil still have to go on, though there were lots of obstacles and downside throughout this year. It's April dy, and May is coming soon in just 5 days time, whereby my induksi will end at that time soon... Anyone in induksi currently? Shud share tips if got... hehe...

Another week, n i will need to go back to the boring store of hospital papar dy. Hope renovations are done n i can do more dispensing, counselling... don't wanna b stucked at the non-ventilated store anymore. Bedside dispensing is a another thing to do...

Moreover.. plans are all in my mind... hopefully i can really do everything i wish to do. Learn more when i still manage... Participate more activities though at the same time, money will be spent more....

Forget the past...

Dispensing job

Wow. It's been 5 months since my last dispensing. I really never do dispensing in Hosp Papar. Cos i don't really like to do it. Till that day, i decided to give myself a try... it's really a long time ago. n i think i have really super banyak questions to my PA. where is this? where is that? where is the sticker? where is the EBB?? cannot find la... hahaha.. n she is laughing there all the while.. lol. n till i dispense the med to an old man, i repeated repeatedly tell him this is for wat, how many tabs per day.. blablabla..

me: pakcik, ini ubat darah tinggi.. satu biji tiga kali sehari
him: oo, ada tulis sana?
me: ya. ada tulis. .. (but stil continue wif all the counsellings on med, wat is it for n bla bla)
till dispensing aspirin, n i just don't understand wat the pakcik is trying to say... n i say.. bukan, n continue wif my words, n he still can't understand, n ended up i jus say watever la ... n say... ada tulis sana, panggil anak bagi ubat ya! n my PA is laughing there again, made me laughing there oso... n b4 the pakcik leave,
he said: kenapa kamu ketawa sana...ketawa sayakah? nanti saya .... (haven't manage to finish his sentence)
me: pakcik, tiada apa-apa. bukan ketawa kamu. pakcik, ada apa-apa masalah, balik jumpa kami ya!!!...
n so i m relieved.
sorry la. really long time never settle this kind of pakcik problems. headache headache..

n i m not used to the dispensing job here. cos i need to record a lot of things b4 i dispense. time, n number of items... n i kept forgetting. n oso forgotten to tear off the "kajian masa menuggu" paper.. mayb some pt bring the paper back home dy! haha.. nvm. it's not important anyway.

Ok. Courses are coming up... hoping for.... haha,. cos no need work.. lol
30th Mac - 2 April : HIS course
10th April - 14th April : BTN in kundasang (dunno sure or not yet)
15th April - 30th April : Induksi in dunno where..

woohoo... no need work.. but my KMK... oh no!!! haven't plan for 1st meeting yet!!! die die die...

normal life

Life is back to the normal again.
Friends around are getting lesser n lesser.
Those who came back during cny r all left dy.
None of them r beside me.
The only one left is still she.

Colleagues back in QE r all scattered here and there.
Once one got bf, she stop hanging out wif us so often dy.
1st relationship is still always so into it.
The others are so busy as well.
Dunno wat everyone r busy with.
and i think i m free.
But actually i still got things to settle.
I need to study
I need to prepare for my KMK
I need to learn more.
N the store thing in hospital papar r confusing me.
We are doing extra job for nothing.
The warrant wasn't under our control
n why r we doing some extra headache job?
that's isnt a good thing to do ..
n i m the one who needs to do
i wanna do pharmacist job
i wanna do pharmacist job
i cannot waste my time already
shud i go search for locum?
sien.. life is so meaningless ....

mom went to italy
didi is going to study soon
bro is getting married n moving out soon
left my parents
i m working in papar
mon to thurs staying there
fri till sun staying bk home
at home oso got nth to do
the house wil b v quiet soon
shopping oso sien
watch movie oso sien
but meeting up wif frens is not sien
so that's my purpose of life now
n need to fill the borang hasil
but how to fill up?
i wan a knight prince
but he is forever hiding behind
mayb i m too choosy?
or not..??
i m not...
i wan him...
i wan get him...
huh. seems i m so desperate?
don get me wrong..
i m not..
i m thinking... thinking deeply
i need to spend my money wisely...
i need to do more charity...
shud i join tzu chi or join church activity?
church got lots of frens one wo.
tzu chi r those uncles n aunties...
n mayb got youngsters oso la..
thinking deeply
thinking deeply
tml is monday. it's working time.
yea. i think working time is much more fun.
mayb there is someone tat i can chat wif..
someone that i can c...
someone that i can 3 8 wif ...
n someone that she can share wif me ...
i m nt good in sharing..
this is always the problem..
i m just too nice... always follow ppl
this is called no own opinions.
not good either...
i need to change..
i need to change..
i still need to change..

the next moment i m hoping for is the induksi
though it might not b a good one..
but mayb i can just get to know some ppl??....
n later on, mayb a trip to singapore??
who wanna meet me there??
but havent confirm yet...
n later on wil b the gang coming over to kk...
n later on a trip to kl...
i wan go hkong..
he n she is there ...
i can go find them yumcha
can i jus plan n go?
who wanna b my kaki??
i need kaki???
he said he wants to go.. another he ask me join him.. another he said can ask him to join
but the hesss ... he says onli, the 2nd he i don realli know him, the 3rd he says only oso
n how about she?
she say yes... but time?? dunno when.. another she say wants oso.. but say mayb next yr...
everyone is full of travelling plan...
i wan go vietnam or myanmar? or thailand... can i?
who wants to go?
haihz..
mayb i m jus too lazy to find for plans.

life is just so unpredictable..
i hate this kind of life....
can i predict my future starting now?
can i plan for it???
how how how??

ok. let's c wat i have got here.
what do u think this michelin man is??? haha. he is cute!!!

觉得自己很失败
觉得自己很幼稚
觉得自己很容易被欺负
觉得自己很容易被欺骗
觉得自己很像小孩子
觉得自己一点都不成熟
觉得自己很容易相信别人
觉得自己不应再回头看
觉得自己应往前看
觉得自己应该努力向前
觉得自己应该改变自己
觉得自己应该交友旷阔
觉得自己应该去旅游散心
觉得自己不该再想那么多了
音乐真的是一件很好的工具
觉得梁静茹的歌太好听了
需要勇气来面对一切

爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语

可是歌词的意境不代表我的意境啦。。


一直被护士和朋友说我像初二生。。是好事，是坏事？

Very sad...
Sad to the max.
Got nothing to say.
I just need to wake up.
Stop being sad of useless thing.
Be myself. make use of my time.
Stop thinking non sense.
Wake up Wake up..

Happy new year everyone.. happy 2009...

How did i spent my new year eve?

Yea. I went to kuala penyu with my frens. Departed at ard 4.30 on 31st Dec from papar, then going to beaufort (ard an hour away) to fetch my fren, wei wei. And later continue our journey to kp, which is around 45 mins from beaufort.. arrived at kp ard 6 sth. Huh, sure ppl think we r v weird, we go all the way to the ulu place for countdown but not celebrating in kk, in the city. Everyone went kk but not us~ Actually this is also a different type of experience .. 3 other frens (joshua, foon & ngu) join us in kp, starting journey at ard 5.30 from kk.. and only reach kp after 3 1/2 hrs journey.. The reason of departing late is to wait for the mr joshua to finish work at 5pm where others took time off to get back home so tat can arrive in kp earlier.. cos the road to kp is realli damn DARK... no light at all. but luckily i arrived there early .. Bbq there at ChitYee's house (my prp fren who kena posted in kp) and chit chatting.. time passes super fast... and we did pay a visit to hospital kp due to Dr Tan having on call... so we followed him to the hospital~ The hospital is v nice. Got astro there in casualty.. some more got STAR movie.. "my house oso don hv"... wow. n the hospital is so spacious and nice since it's a new hospital. But there r really a lot of SHITS ... the birds' shits everywhere... but the whole hospital is really very quiet at nite ... later back home to continue bbq and v fast it's 10.40pm ... n we all r rushing to shower. limiting everyone for a maximum of 10 mins .... hahaha. so tat we r on time for countdown. Play cards while waiting for 12am.. and u can't realli believe that ppl in kp realli celebrate countdown. there r fireworks there. can onli hear the sound.. n got the liondance sound oso. but dunno where is it from~~ ~~ slept quite early after countdown as we r all the old man, old woman, used to sleep early n wake up early for work~ !!! haha.

Oh. Actually why we chose to be there in kp? actually there is a wedding party the next day, that is 1st Jan 2009, of a colleague back in QEH. Florina is a kadazan but her wedding is somekind of mixture of every races. No sumazau dance which i was hoping for. And there is like some "shen tai".. --> chinese style.. n got YUM SENG --> chinese style... weird one is suap-menyuap cake ... the bride's wedding dress is a bit lose for her~ n her husband is really quite good looking. a bit like chinese but more like sino kadazan ... wow. wish them happy ever after~ A lot of the frps travelled all the way from kk to kp to attend their wedding party in the kampung house... a lot a lot of ppl r there. cos small kampung, one ppl marry, then everyone in the kampung r like invited~ hehe.

Love this song lately though is not a new song..
陶喆的《爱很简单》

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你
有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你
真的很简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我
喔......
i love you
无法不爱你baby
说你也爱我
永远不愿意baby
失去你
不可能更快乐
只要能在一起
做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停
用最真诚的心
让爱变得简单
我一直在这里baby
一直在爱你
永远都不放弃
这爱你的权利
如果你还有一些困惑
请贴着我的心倾听
听我说着爱你
yes i do

Suddenly syt said she read bk my previous x'mas post abt our trip to budapest... n so i just go n find n read back. Really remind me a lot of things.. recall a lot of memories. And after read that post, i start to read bk all my previous posts.. n i feel that a lot of posts shouldnt b publicized here one. lol. that's why this should b a private diary for me. and not a diary for syt la.... lol.... funny syt made me laughing giler only...

Wat m i up to now? erm, still the normal me. working n sleeping n watching series. nth much happening nowadays... oh ya, new Dr came in hosp papar since 16th Dec.. n when he is here, another Dr starts on leave. so.. still left 3 Drs and pity pengarah still hv to go n review patients. That day was asking pengarah if both of us (the pharmacists) can on leave during cny together. n he said, ok ar if everything is fine. But then after that he is like quite scared oso. do he ? but nvm la. both of us wont be taking leave together ... cos my colleague said she got nothing to do if take leave during cny week. So she choose to take leaves b4 cny, n i will b taking on the cny week. n pengarah some more said: our hospital can close down liao la. dr goh on leave, dr teoh on leave, i on leave... left 2 Drs onli... i was there laughing... wat a lol....